Children acquire many skills as they grow. Some skills, such as controlling urine and stool, depend mainly on the level of maturity of the child's nerves and brain. Others, such as behaving appropriately at home and in school, are the result of a complicated interaction between the child's physical and intellectual (cognitive) development, health, temperament, and relationships with parents, caregivers, and teachers (see also Childhood Development Childhood Development Between the ages of 1 and 13, children's physical, intellectual, and emotional capabilities expand tremendously. Children progress from barely tottering to running, jumping, and playing organized... read more ). Other behaviors, such as thumb sucking Thumb sucking Children acquire many skills as they grow. Some skills, such as controlling urine and stool, depend mainly on the level of maturity of the child's nerves and brain. Others, such as behaving... read more , develop when children look for ways to help themselves cope with stress. Still other behaviors develop in response to parenting style Behavioral Problems and Parenting Style Children acquire many skills as they grow. Some skills, such as controlling urine and stool, depend mainly on the level of maturity of the child's nerves and brain. Others, such as behaving... read more .
Behavioral problems can become so troublesome that they threaten normal relationships between the child and others or interfere with emotional, social, and intellectual development. Some behavioral problems include
Many of these problems arise out of developmentally normal habits that children easily acquire.
Some behavioral problems, such as bed-wetting Urinary Incontinence in Children Urinary incontinence is defined as the involuntary release of urine occurring two or more times per month after toilet training. Incontinence may be present During the day (daytime or diurnal... read more , can be mild and resolve quickly and spontaneously as part of normal development. Other behavioral problems, such as those that arise in children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is poor or short attention span and/or excessive activity and impulsiveness inappropriate for the child’s age that interferes with functioning... read more (ADHD), can require ongoing treatment.
Stress-Related Behaviors in Children
Each child handles stress differently. Certain behaviors that help children deal with stress include thumb sucking, nail biting, and, sometimes, head banging.
Thumb sucking (or sucking a pacifier) is a normal part of early childhood, and most children stop by the time they are 1 or 2 years old, but some continue into their school-age years. Occasional thumb sucking is normal at times of stress, but habitual sucking past the age of about 5 can alter the shape of the roof of the mouth, cause misalignment of teeth, and lead to teasing from other children. Occasionally, persistent thumb sucking can be the sign of an underlying emotional disorder.
All children eventually stop thumb sucking. Parents should intervene only if their child’s dentist advises them to or if they feel their child’s thumb sucking is socially unhealthy.
Parents need to gently encourage children to understand why they should stop. Once the child signals a willingness to stop, gentle verbal reminders are a good start. These can be followed by symbolic rewards put directly on the thumb, such as a colored bandage, fingernail polish, or a star drawn with a nontoxic colored marker. Additional measures, such as a plastic guard over the thumb, overnight elbow splinting to prevent a child from bending it, or painting the thumbnail with a bitter substance can be used. However, none of these measures should be used against the child’s will.
Nail biting is a common problem among young children. The habit usually disappears as the child gets older but is typically related to stress and anxiety.
Children who are motivated to stop can be taught to substitute other habits (for example, twirling a pencil).
A reward system in which the child keeps more rewards for avoiding the behavior reinforces desirable behavior.
Head banging and rhythmic rocking
Head banging and rhythmic rocking are common among healthy toddlers. Although alarming to parents, the children do not seem to be in distress and actually seem to derive comfort from these behaviors.
Children usually outgrow rocking, rolling, and head banging between 18 months and 2 years of age, but repetitive actions sometimes still occur in older children and adolescents.
Children with autism Autism Spectrum Disorders Autism spectrum disorders are conditions in which people have difficulty developing normal social relationships, use language abnormally or not at all, and show restricted or repetitive behaviors... read more and certain other neurodevelopmental issues also may bang their head or make other repetitive movements. However, these children have additional symptoms that make their diagnosis apparent.
Although children almost never damage themselves by these behaviors, this possibility (and the noise) can be reduced by pulling the crib away from the wall, taking off the wheels or placing carpet protectors under them, and applying padding to the bars of the crib.
Behavioral Problems and Parenting Style
Praise and reward can reinforce appropriate behavior. Sometimes parents end up giving their children attention only for inappropriate behavior, which can backfire when that is the only attention the children receive. Because most children prefer attention for inappropriate behavior to no attention at all, parents should create special times each day for pleasant interactions with their children to avoid increases in inappropriate behavior.
A number of relatively minor problems of behavior may be due to parenting styles.
Child–parent interaction problems are difficulties in the relationship between children and their parents, which may begin during the first few months of life. The relationship may be strained because of
A difficult pregnancy or delivery
Inadequate support of the mother by the other parent, partner, relatives, or friends
Contributing to the strain of building a strong relationship are a baby’s unpredictable feeding and sleeping schedules. Most babies do not sleep through the night until 3 to 4 months of age. Poor relationships may slow development of mental and social skills and cause failure to thrive Failure to Thrive in Children Failure to thrive is a delay in weight gain and physical growth that can lead to delays in development and maturation. Medical disorders and a lack of proper nutrition are causes of failure... read more .
A doctor or nurse can discuss the temperament of an individual baby and offer the parents information on the development of babies and helpful tips for coping. The parents may then be able to develop more realistic expectations, accept their feelings of guilt and conflict as normal, and try to rebuild a healthy relationship. If the relationship is not repaired, the baby may continue to have problems later.
Unrealistic expectations contribute to the perception of behavioral problems. For example, parents who expect a 2-year-old child to pick up toys without help may mistakenly feel there is a behavioral problem. Parents may misinterpret other normal, age-related behaviors of a 2-year-old child, such as the refusal to follow an adult’s request or rule.
A self-perpetuating cycle is a cycle in which a negative (angry) response from a parent or caregiver to a child's negative (inappropriate) behavior leads to further negative behavior by the child, which leads to continued negative responses from the parent or caregiver. The attention the child receives from the parent or caregiver often reinforces the child's inappropriate behavior.
In self-perpetuating cycles, a child responds to stress and emotional discomfort with stubbornness, back talk, aggression, and resistance instead of crying. The parents or caregivers respond by scolding, yelling, and spanking. Self-perpetuating cycles also may result when parents react to a fearful, clinging, or manipulative child with overprotection and overpermissiveness.
The self-perpetuating cycle may be broken if parents learn to ignore inappropriate behavior that does not negatively affect others, such as temper tantrums Temper Tantrums Temper tantrums are violent emotional outbursts, usually in response to frustration. Frustration, tiredness, and hunger are the most common causes. Children may scream, cry, thrash, roll on... read more or refusals to eat. Redirecting the child's attention to interesting activities allows for the rewarding of desired behavior, which makes the child and parents or caregivers feel successful. For behavior that cannot be ignored, distraction or a time-out technique The time-out technique Children acquire many skills as they grow. Some skills, such as controlling urine and stool, depend mainly on the level of maturity of the child's nerves and brain. Others, such as behaving... read more can be tried.
Discipline problems are inappropriate behaviors that develop when structure is ineffective. Discipline is more than just punishment. It is providing children with clear, structured, age-appropriate expectations that allow them to know what is expected. It is much easier and more satisfying to both parents and children to reward desirable behavior than to punish inappropriate behavior.
In older children and adolescents, behavioral problems may arise as children seek to free themselves from parental rules and supervision (see Behavioral Problems in Adolescents Behavioral Problems in Adolescents Adolescence is a time for developing independence. Typically, adolescents exercise their independence by questioning or challenging, and sometimes breaking, rules. Parents and doctors must distinguish... read more ). Parents should learn how to distinguish such problems from occasional errors in judgment.
Behavior-modifying strategies for parents
The goal of treatment is to change undesirable behavior by getting children to want to change their behavior. This goal often takes persistent changes in actions by the parents, which in turn results in improved behaviors by the children.
Behavioral problems need to be addressed early because behaviors are harder to change the longer they exist. Sometimes, parents need only to be reassured that the particular behavior is normal or to hear a few simple suggestions. One simple suggestion is for parents to spend at least 15 to 20 minutes a day in a pleasurable activity with the child or to call attention to desirable behaviors (“catching the child being good”). Parents are also encouraged to regularly spend time away from the child to help the child learn to be secure and also independent.
Additional strategies for modifying behavior include the following:
Identifying triggers for the child's behavior and factors (such as additional attention) that may inadvertently reinforce it
Clearly defining for the child which behaviors are desired and which are undesired
Establishing consistent rules and limits
Tracking how well the rules and limits are followed
Providing appropriate rewards for success and consequences for inappropriate behavior
Focusing on the behavior itself and not equating it with the child (for example, saying "that was not acceptable behavior" instead of "you're a bad kid").
Minimizing anger when enforcing rules and increasing positive interactions with the child
Child health experts recommend healthy forms of discipline, such as positive reinforcement of appropriate behaviors, limit setting, redirecting, and setting future expectations. They recommend that parents do not use spanking, hitting, slapping, threatening, insulting, humiliating, or shaming.
If a behavior problem does not change in 3 to 4 months, doctors may recommend a behavioral health evaluation.
The time-out technique
This disciplinary technique is best used when children are aware that their actions are inappropriate or unacceptable and when they see withholding of attention as a punishment. Typically, children do not understand that withholding attention is a punishment linked to undesirable behavior until they are 2 years old. Care should be taken when this technique is used in group settings such as day care centers because it can result in harmful humiliation.
The technique can be applied when a child misbehaves in a way that is known to result in a time-out. Usually, the child should receive verbal statements and reminders before the time-out technique is used.
The inappropriate behavior is explained to the child, who is told to sit in the time-out chair or is led there if necessary.
The child should sit in the chair for 1 minute for each year of age (a maximum of 5 minutes). Physical restraints should be avoided.
A child who gets up from the chair before the allotted time is returned to the chair, and the time-out is restarted. Talking and eye contact are avoided.
When it is time for the child to get up, the caregiver asks the reason for the time-out without anger and nagging. A child who does not recall the correct reason is briefly reminded. The child does not need to express remorse for the inappropriate behavior as long as it is clear that the child understands the reason for the time-out.
As soon as possible after the time-out, the caregiver should make an effort to identify appropriate behavior and praise the child for it. Appropriate behavior may be easier to achieve if the child is redirected to a new activity far from the scene of the inappropriate behavior.
Sometimes, a child's inappropriate behavior escalates when the child is in a time-out. In such cases, the caregiver may want to redirect the child to another activity before the full time has run out. Redirections should be done only after the child understands why the time-out had been given.
The following English-language resource may be useful. Please note that THE MANUAL is not responsible for the content of this resource.
American Academy of Pediatrics: What’s the Best Way to Discipline My Child?: A resource providing tips on the best ways to help children learn acceptable behavior